Why am I still here? Why do I continue to breath every single day when all I ask is to not. I hate life. It’s not enjoyable, it’s completely miserable. I can’t do anything right. According to my parents, anyway. Pleasing them isn’t possible. I’m constantly bashed at for something I do. Name any subject and they’ll tell you how I “fucked up”. It’s irritating as hell. I feel like I’m completely alone. Those that tell me they’re always there, never are. Those that aren’t there do a great job in their role at still not being there. I’m so frustrated with living that I never know what to think or how to act. Being pissed all the time is me. I don’t really know how to act any differently. I see now why most people get addicted to shit. They’re put through hell and they don’t want/need to feel it.
Update # I don’t fucking know.
Okay, so I no longer live in my “own” house. We moved out of our Plainfield home and are currently living with my grandparent’s until we head south to Florida. I honestly hate being so close to my family right now and I feel like I have no room to breathe. It sucks, but it’ll only last 5-6 weeks. I’m stoked on starting a new life here soon. Sad, but excited. Leaving my best friend, along with other close friends, will be hard, but I can always stay in touch. I have recently become close with a guy. That blows that I’m moving away from him, but he’s older than me…by 6 years. Judge. I don’t give a fuck. Love is love, feelings are feelings. I’ve decided not to judge it so harshly anymore. Speaking of love, I’m slowly forgetting. I understand that everytime I update, I talk about this. I don’t know. I just really want to find someone who will finally love the living shit out of me. My ex’s are shitheads. No offense to them if they read this, but I’m far better off. It was fun for awhile, but it’s not for me. I wish the best for you both; nothing more, nothing less. School is going great! I’m starting to bring my grades up and focus more. Normally, I’m great in school, but this year is kicking my ass. I hate it. Starting a new school doesn’t bother me one bit. I’m also excited to get into a new music scene. AHHHHHH. So exciting. Well, I need to go. Bye for now.
Fucked up dreams: number 1
Last night, my dream was fucking weird. This guy had multiple legs and he would rape girls, put them in this room that would get them wet with water and then freeze them to preserve their blood. By killing them from freezing their bodies, he would suck out all of the blood after he felt like it. Much more happened, but that was just the main plot line.